The Myth of Balance: What Working Women Really Need Instead

We hear a lot about balance - work-life balance, balancing it all, staying on top of things. It sounds like the answer to everything, especially for women who are juggling big roles at work and at home.

But let’s be honest: if you’ve ever chased balance and still felt like you were constantly behind or never quite doing enough, you’re not alone - and you’re not failing.

In fact, the traditional idea of balance might be setting us up for frustration.

Why Balance Can Feel So Impossible

The common version of balance suggests that if we just organise our time better, we’ll feel calm, focused, and in control. But that doesn't reflect real life.

Most women I work with are not only working full-time - they’re also the person holding things together at home. They’re remembering birthdays, managing childcare, sorting school logistics, and checking in on family. And in the workplace, they’re leading teams, managing pressure, and holding emotional space for others.

It’s a lot. So the idea that we can give everything equal attention at all times? It’s unrealistic. And yet, when we can’t make it work, we often blame ourselves.

I used to think the problem was with my planning. If I just woke up earlier, got more efficient, used the right productivity tools - I’d finally feel balanced. But no matter what I did, something always slipped. I’d feel on top of work but disconnected at home, or I’d prioritise home and then feel like I was falling behind professionally.

Eventually, I realised: life isn’t meant to be balanced like a set of scales. It’s meant to flow. Some days will pull more from one area than another - and that’s okay.

What We Really Need Instead

So if the goal isn’t perfect balance, what is it?

What most women actually need isn’t more pressure to fit it all in. They need space. Clarity. Permission to slow down enough to ask: What really matters today? What do I need right now?

Here’s what I’ve found helpful, both personally and in my work with clients:

1. Check in with your energy, not just your time

Instead of trying to divide your day into neat blocks, ask: How am I feeling? What do I have capacity for today?

One of my coaching clients, a senior leader and mum of two, had tried every productivity system under the sun. Nothing worked. It just added more pressure. But when she started asking herself simple questions in the morning, like “What’s one thing I need today to feel steady?” - things started to shift. She made better decisions. She felt more present. And she finally stopped feeling like she was constantly behind.

2. Be flexible, not rigid

Real life isn’t symmetrical. Some weeks, work needs more from you. Other times, home or your own health needs to take priority.

That’s not imbalance. That’s being human.

When we stop trying to make everything equal and start making space for what matters most in the moment, we stop feeling like we’re failing. We start feeling more in control.

3. Protect one non-negotiable

Instead of trying to do everything, try doing one thing that supports your wellbeing and commit to it.

Maybe it’s stepping away from your desk for a real lunch break. Or taking a 10-minute walk outside. Or switching off your phone an hour before bed.

Small acts like this build a sense of agency - a reminder that your needs matter too.

4. Let yourself off the hook sometimes

Not everything has to happen today. And not everything needs to be done by you.

Ask yourself: What can be paused, simplified, or shared today?

Even letting go of one thing can free up space and ease pressure. It doesn’t mean you’re dropping the ball. It means you’re choosing what matters most, with intention.

Image credit: Mahrael Boutros https://unsplash.com/@mahrealist

The Problem with Chasing “Balance”

When we hold ourselves to an ideal that’s not rooted in reality, we end up in a loop of guilt, stress, and self-judgment.

We feel like we should be doing more, handling things better, being more organised. But often, we’re already doing so much - more than we give ourselves credit for.

The problem isn’t that you’re not balanced enough. It’s that balance isn’t always the right measure.

What helps is learning to work with your energy, rather than against it. To be honest with yourself about what’s needed and what’s not. And to give yourself the same care you give to others.

You’re Not Doing It Wrong

If you’ve been feeling stretched, scattered, or just plain exhausted, it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means the way we’ve been told to “manage it all” isn’t working.

So let’s stop chasing balance and start paying attention to what’s really going on underneath: our energy, our capacity, our values.

Because when we do that, we make space to lead, work, and live in a way that’s actually sustainable.

Want more support with this?

If this resonated with you and you’d like to explore how to build in these shifts - either for yourself or for your team - get in touch, I'd love to hear what challenges you are facing and see where I can support you.

Let’s stop pretending balance is the goal and start creating lives that feel more grounded, spacious, and real.